How running changed my life and taught me so much about it.
My story of my relationship with running and how it transformed my life.
Running changed, transformed and I think probably saved me.
I was never a sporty guy and was resigned to be a porky round kind of guy ever since I was a kid. I played basketball in school and had a good shooting hand, but was never athletic. I was at my slimmest through the rigour of BMT during my National Service Days, but by and large always bounced back to my usual rotund self throughout my life .
This is how I looked like for most of my life.
I was at my heaviest in 2021, weighing in at 110kg, and my weight always teetered between 90kg to 110kg. My high blood pressure also peaked at 160/110. I didn’t know this was bad until I had dizzy spells walking up and down the stairs. The doctor told me I had to lose weight because I also secured the other 2 ‘highs’ out of the 3 - high cholesterol, and high fatty liver - essentially all the ‘affluent’ diseases that derived from a decadent lifestyle of indulgence and gluttony.
If not for that dizzying spells, I was already content and resigned with being the fat bastard for life and when I saw the character ‘Fat Bastard’ in Austin Powers, I knew that was how I was going to look like for the rest of my life.
I was already married so I know my wife loved me however shape I was in so I wasn’t worried about finding a partner, so I had no motivation to halt my passion for eating - I really really loved eating. I lived to eat, not eat to live as one relative used to tell me.
I turned gluttony into an art form and a sensual process. All I could think of was food and if I wasn’t partaking in it, I was always ruminating towards the next feeding. I mastered every aspect of eating and had an intuition about what to eat and how to eat it to achieve maximum satisfaction. Which parts of the chicken to eat first, what gravy combination to stimulate the best reaction from my taste buds, what drink to go with what kind of food. How to combine different types of food types for maximum efficiency and satisfaction. I could swallow it all in an instant, I could savour each and every morsel, I would go for doubles, supersized meals and finish them off with multiple servings of desserts - chocolate + carbo were always my fav. I couldn’t care less about how I felt after or how I looked in any outfit. I only cared about my hunger pangs and my taste buds and I had to indulge, not just satisfy them. I could eat anything at anytime of the night. Chips, steaks, instant noodles, fast food. I would devour it all in an instant. I simply just LOVED eating.
That lifestyle went on all the way up to February of 2019, where I had just completed the launch of the adidas UltraBoost19 in Shanghai.
That project turned out to be the turning point of my life. To celebrate the end of the campaign, we celebrated extravagantly and by the end of one feeding and drinking session, I suddenly felt disgusted at myself as I lay on the couch breathless from stuffing my face. With all things, I guess I had reached a limit of over indulgence.
I just decided to reverse my lifestyle and gave up all the unhealthy eating and just started running more seriously.
Then by the end of 2019, after I finished a maniacal year of 2 full marathons, 1 half marathon and 1 trail run - I looked like this:
I had so much fun enjoying a lighter body that I kept pushing myself to see how fast I could go. It was tremendous fun.
I finally hit a low of 75kg through a blend of running and dieting and it unlocked a whole new level of running for me. The more weight I shed, the less weight I carried and naturally the less effort you had to put in for each run.
Everything was reversed - my high blood pressure, my fatty liver, my cholesterol levels. Suddenly, I had a new body. I would walk past mirrors and get caught off guard by my reflection as I was so used to seeing Fat Bastard.
I found it hard to believe and had a lot of support through a proper diet plan, but I felt that my one true partner in that weight loss journey was my running.
I had been dabbling with the sport since that scare in 2012, because of the doctor’s advice. Running started off as just a tool, but I was never deep into it - it was just an outlet for weight loss and it was only in 2019 that I truly experienced the magic of the run and therein began my addiction with the sport.
The running journey felt very atypical to any runner’s evolution and progress and here is my interpretation of my 4 stages.
Stage 1 - Running with Caution
Problem: I am unhealthy and need to lose weight. I need to run but it is pure torture.
Solution: Buy any pair of entry level running shoe or dig up an old pair. Find a running route near you (because you want to be able to get home easily after the run!), run alone (because you are embarrassed of your fitness level). Maybe do this once or twice a week.
I got a pair of NIKE Frees and just started pummelling the tarmac near my home. I remember clocking in 80 meters on my first run. It was a quiet stretch of road behind my block and it was lit up to a certain point. I would tell myself to just run to the end of the lights and head back and by the end of that route, I was panting , my heart rate was racing and I felt nauseous. It carried on for about a month but I persisted.
Stage 2 - Running with Curiosity
Problem: I am starting to get the hang of it and feel some improvement and want to run further. I am starting to enjoy it and am curious on how to run better.
Solution: I want to track my runs with data, want to have a better shoe, want to run further, longer, and starting to feel the need to connect with other runners. Run more frequently and longer and feel braver to venture a bit further into new routes.
I upgraded my shoes, and all of my gear. To run further, I needed better gear right? Featherlight, sweat-wicking, stretchable, breathable - all of these new key words became my everyday vernacular and stewed even more curiosity in my head. Eventually, I graduated from the quiet stretch of road to running around the building, from 80 meters to 800 meters, from one round to two. I would start bumping into other runners who passed by and give them the ‘runner’s nod’ - a silent salutation of respect and envy for runners who would run further and faster.
It was at this time when I joined adidas to work on the running category in 2017. We were sponsors of the Shanghai Half Marathon and Beijing Marathon races and I would visit these events and look on with envy at all those runners who looked like gazelles, prancing and striding effortlessly for extended durations. I asked my colleague ‘when will I ever run like that?’ She replied ‘ Focus on distance first, then we go for pace’ and I did. Sports watches were still relatively expensive gear at the time and I didn’t think i needed them so i resorted to phone apps to track my runs. I never bothered about pace or timings, just to ensure I could run a little bit further each time. I set milestones of 1km, 2.4km, 3km with the maximum hitting 5km. I would rent bike-sharing bikes and cycle a bit further to scenic spots to enjoy better scenery so I could enjoy my runs more.
Stage 3 - Running with Confidence
Problem: I want to push my limits. I want to see how far and how fast I can go. I am obsessed with running and the progress I can make every single day. In the words of Kipchoge - No human is limited.
Solution: I run every day, and I cannot wait to experiment with all sorts of runs, fartlek, intervals, LSD, tempo, group, solo. I get my hand on any kind of app, and dive deep into all the techncalities and search for every running community or guru I know of and trade stories and tips about routes, techniques, recovery, training programs, the works. I track and study all the data that I collect from each run, pace, heart rate, stride length, every bit of metric that was trackable was tracked to help ensure I was making progress.
I try to squeeze runs into any available time that I can find. Sneaking out at 5am in the morning, skipping lunch to squeeze in a run only to gobble up a salad after, a quick interval burst before or after dinner right before bedtime. I bring a pair of running shoes on every vacation or travel trip and I believe running is the best way to see any city. I become a crazy advocate for running, and tell everyone about my new found passion for the sport. Man was born to run and made for the sport. If I could, I would run everywhere! I want to make my hobby a part of my life until it almost becomes weird not to do it, like brushing my teeth, or getting a hair cut. It was addictive because you just didn’t feel yourself if you didn’t get in a run everyday. You needed to get your running fix.
It was around this time that carbon plated shoes started to show up in the market and oh how sweet it was. All of us turned from running to bouncing around as these carbon plates promised so much energy return from each stride, it was nothing we had ran in before and promised so much more speed and performance.
Stage 4 - Run with Care (Where i’m at now)
Problem: You want to run your own kind of run now. Races and results don’t really appeal anymore. You’ve been there done that, and you want to make running a life habit that keeps you healthy and less of an obsession lest it turns into poison. Like all kinds of medicine, if taken too much, becomes a poison and no longer a remedy and could be hazardous.
Solution: I stopped pushing my body, but listened to it, and started feeling every run, paying attention to the mental benefits it was giving me. I am now more interested in using it to enhance my experiences and life and not the other way around, devoting my life to the sport.
It’s interesting to see how my evolution journey has come through the 4 stages. I would think it’s come full circle - at the beginning, I saw it as a tool for weight loss, and then conformed my body to the sport pushing it to extremes, a slave to the adrenalin. And now going back to using it as a tool for the other aspects of my wellbeing, transcending from the physical to the mental. It has been an amazing revelation.
Sick and tired of the mindless running, I wanted to venture deeper into the benefits derived from running and how I can capture them into a system of running that is beneficial to not just the physical aspects of the runner.
I started to reflect on some of the life lessons Running has taught me:
Lesson 1: Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional
This line actually came from Murakami’s amazing book about running. There is no denying it, there is utterly no joy in running. It is absolute torture when you run, you’re fighting against inertia and gravity, putting in so much effort to lift your body weight across distances, and when you put that into context of a 42km marathon - it’s literally killing yourself. I remember crossing the 32km mark at the Beijing Marathon and then swore to myself I would never run in another marathon again. 1 month later, I was at the starting line of the Shanghai Marathon again.
What this lesson taught me is that pain is a part of life / the run, and rather than shrink away from it, to go after it but to go after the right kind of pain that you know is forcing you to grow. Kind of like the antifragile concept, which is very nicely explained by Mark Manson’s book “Pain is value and is the currency of our values. Without the pain of loss, it becomes impossible to determine the value of anything at all. The more antifragile we become, the more graceful our emotional responses are, the more control we exercise over ourselves…Antifragility is therefore synoymous with growth and maturity . Life is one never-ending stream of pain, and to grow is not to find a way to avoid that stream, but rather, to dive into it and successfully navigate its depths. “
As I was going through stage 3 (running with confidence), my body, especially my legs was going through lots of pains and aches, - first it was in my shins (tibialis anterior), which grew enormously strong after some of the worst pains I had experienced - turned out it was from all the forefoot landing from the sprints I was doing. Then it was the area around my knee - the vastus medialis - I thought my knees were ruined, but it turned out my thigh muscles were reacting to all the uphill runs. Then the back of my knees and then my glutes, all of them went through excruciating pain which turned out that after recovery gave me new muscles that enabled me to run further and faster.
Injuries are real, but on the contrary, running doesn’t ruin your legs or knees. It strengthens them as long as you respect the form you need to take to improve your form.
Lesson 2: Switch things up to drive progress
It was easy to fall into the trap of the pursuit. I was obsessed with the 5km challenge at one point. Aiming to go under 30mins, then 28mins and so on. Then I reached a plateau and then got bored and burnt out. Then I stopped running for awhile and messed around with other sports, lifting weights, playing basketball and starving my legs for 2 weeks. I came back roaring and took my 5k timing to a new level after that.
Diversity and variety is the name of the game as pointed out even in Ecclesiastes 11:2 says, “Divide your portion to seven, or even to eight, for you do not know what misfortune may occur on the earth.” This is similar to that old country saying, “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.” When your basket is dropped, every egg is compromised.
I truly believe that the best parts of our life comes from the intersection of our experiences, gifts and values. The more diverse we can make our interests, the more unique we become as the network of interests can spawn very diverse and interesting combinations. Growing up collecting sneakers, watching MJ with the bulls, collecting comics and watching Batistuta while reading novels enabled me to work on some of the most interesting campaigns in my career.
Lesson 3: You run your own race, and it’s never about competing with another
As I progressed through the races I participated in, I only got this realisation during my last race. I was aiming to finish it in 2hours 15 mins, and had a plan in my head for a pace I felt comfortable with. It was a beautiful glorious May in 2022. There were many friends running that day, and we set off together. Every one of them raced off and I started to feel left behind and started accelerating, then I slowed down and realized I was going to lose steam if I let them dictate my pace. So I stuck to my own pace and by the 18km mark, I overtook some of them and had enough gas in me to accelerate to the finish line beating my targeted time. Another fun fact of the race is when I crossed the finish line, unless you were Kipchoge trying to break records, the sense of accomplishment, and the pain you just went through is so personal. Nobody can identify with the pain and pleasure of the run and it’s all about your own perspective. You determine how much you derive from the achievement and it’s all an illusion you create in your own mind.
We are all running our own races, opponents are just dare to test your growth and development in your field. These days when I see any runner passing by on my run, I often wonder where they came from, how long have they been running and how far they have left to go. We can use them as pacers for different parts of our journeys, but ultimately we all should respect our own place and timing in our own race of life.
Lesson 4: The more you put into life, the more it gives back to you
Luke 6:38 38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
This lesson is the most surprising and pleasant result from running. When I decided to take on the full marathon of 42km, the only thing I could think of was the pain I would go through during and after the run. You could obviously see it when it came to your studies or work, where the more hours you put in, the more visible the results would be. But I never expected that from running.
Because when I got back on the treadmill after a week’s recovery from the race, I felt super light and effortless with an increased level of strength and stamina!
That’s when I realized that energy truly creates energy and the more you expend and give yourself away , the more life returns back to you. The more you give of yourself (time, focus, energy, money), the more comes back to you. Possibilities just open up, new routes you never ran before bring you to new views and discoveries. Put in energy and miles and running gives back to you in many many fold - be it physical, mental, or social fitness.
Lesson 5: Remember Ithaca - As cliche as it sounds, this is the ultimate lesson Running taught me in life - it’s all about the journey itself.
Here’s a part of the poem read by Sean Connery:
“Keep Ithaka always in your mind. Arriving there is what you're destined for. But don't hurry the journey at all. Better if it lasts for years, so that you're old by the time you reach the island, wealthy with all you've gained on the way, not expecting Ithaca to make you rich. Ithaca gave you the marvelous journey. Without her you would have not set out. She has nothing left to give you now. “
As you run, no matter the distance - be it a circuit track practice or a 20km LSD, the key is to get out the door and get that first stride our of the way. Then it’s about following each step with the next. Focus on each step of the journey, enjoying the scenery, finding shelter when it rains, picking up the pace when you meet a pacer, changing the route when you feel like it, relishing the pain you feel in your joints and feel them fade away as you focus on your breathing, listening to the sound of your footsteps pounding away. That is about mindfulness. Being present in the run, feeling the run and letting the run take you on your journey.
So the 5 lessons Running taught me about life are:
Lesson 1: Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional
Lesson 2: Switch things up to drive progress
Lesson 3: You run your own race, and it’s never about competing with another
Lesson 4: The more you put into life, the more it gives back to you
Lesson 5: Remember Ithaca
Let’s Run There
I believe in the power of running and its impact on our lives. Man was made to run and needs to run to maintain perspective in life. Wherever we set our intentions - physically or mentally, as long as we integrate running into our lives - it will get us there.
Wherever ‘there’ is is not my focus, it can be any of the goals I’ve gone through in my different stages. It can be anything and it can change anytime and it should change anytime because ‘there’ will change depending on how I respond on the run when I run mindfully. It should be personal yet communal, allowing me to invite other runners into my journey but also knowing when they need to depart from mine. Therein lies the beauty of the run as I allow it to work its magic on me by strengthening me and giving me the benefits derived from my runs.
The key is to reverse the conversation, letting the power of the run, every aspect of it from the physical, mental and the social aspects of the run to charge and empower me towards my intention - to truly surrender and embrace the run itself and eventually see the results manifest in me head where goals start to shift and solutions manifest accordingly.
I envision my goals, write them down and use them as guiding lights for my efforts, but I let the act itself run dictate how and when I get there and watch the results enfold inside and in front of me. Because while I am intent on the goal, I keep focused on the process and the run itself while applying the lessons that I learnt . Taking in feedback is essential to maintain the pace but we run best when we know our bodies the best, we need to let easy days be easy, and know when hard days need to be hard.
This is where I am at now in the Stage 4 of my running journey - Running with care and looking to use it to heal and not to compete. The concept of Mindful Running is the perfect blend of both worlds from my stints at adidas and lululemon.
Rather than mindlessly pounding the tarmac and suffering from the run, how can I take all the lessons and benefits of running and use it to elevate one’s overall wellbeing.
Eckhart Tolle’s book extolls the power of surrender, being present and that ‘Life is now. There was never a time when your life was not now, nor will there ever be…. unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry - all forms of fear - are cause by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.”
The essential idea is to focus on the self and exact moment of now during one’s run and to remove all distraction from you and the act of running itself - your breathing, and your motions itself hold your attention. How is your breathing going? How do your joints feel? How fast do you feel like going? Letting your body run you and connecting your mind to it and not ignoring your body and let your mind wander to external distractions away from the run itself.
Not enough time is also spent pre and post runs and a key aspect of mindful running are these 2 moments. Putting time into the warm-up and cooling down, including breathing exercises into the usual stretches. I slow down my breathing, and use the time to reflect on my current mental state, and focusing on the intention of today’s run with a prayer so I can connect better with my body’s current state.
And as I set off on my run, I then stay present by focusing on my breathing and my gaze. Letting my body dictate my pace and direction, and then starting to take notice of my posture and technique of my current run. The key is to combine intention and resistance going back to my lesson of input to output - the more you put into the run, the more it gives back to you.
My recent forays running at 5am at Macritchie Reservoir has been an amazing test bed to trial my beliefs in Mindful Running.
Come join me.
IG: gavvo
Crazy! Can't believe you went from 110kilos to running freak.